Bereavement

When a young person experiences the death of someone close to them, it can trigger a wide and complex range of emotions. These may include sadness, confusion, anger, guilt, anxiety, loneliness, helplessness, or even relief — especially if the person who died had been in pain or if the relationship was challenging.

All of these responses are normal. There is no single way to grieve, and it’s important for professionals to recognise that each young person’s experience will be shaped by their relationship with the person who has died, their developmental stage, and their previous life experiences.

Grief can manifest in a number of ways, including:

• Tearfulness or emotional outbursts

• Withdrawing or becoming unusually quiet

• Changes in behaviour or mood

• Difficulties concentrating or engaging in learning

• Sleep disruption or changes in appetite

• Physical complaints such as stomach aches or headaches

• Talking or asking about death, or avoiding the topic altogether

Even when a death is expected, the reality of loss can be deeply unsettling. For others, a sudden or traumatic death may lead to shock, confusion or regret. A young person may feel upset about things left unsaid, or worry that they didn’t respond in the “right” way.

Grief is a deeply personal experience, and young people will react in many different ways following the death of someone close. As a professional, your role is not to have all the answers, but to be a steady, compassionate presence who can listen, guide and support when needed.

What Young People May Be Feeling

There is no “right” way to grieve. Some young people will express intense emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, fear or panic. Others may appear unaffected, numb, or avoid talking about the loss altogether. Some may feel relief — particularly if the person who died had been suffering, or if the relationship was difficult.

All of these responses are normal. Grief can also affect concentration, behaviour, sleep and energy levels, and may lead to feelings of isolation, confusion or jealousy of others. Emotional distress may increase around anniversaries, birthdays or significant events.

How You Can Help

• Create space to talk. Let the young person know you’re available to listen. Avoid forcing conversation, but gently check in over time.

  Normalise their feelings. Reassure them that there’s no single way to grieve, and that whatever they are feeling is okay.

  Encourage expression. Suggest creative or reflective activities like writing letters to the person who has died, making a memory box, drawing or journaling.

  Acknowledge their world has changed. Help them name what feels different and support them in adapting, even in small ways.

  Maintain consistency. Routine can be grounding. Keep expectations realistic and be flexible with how they engage.

  Be mindful of what’s unsaid. Some young people will struggle to put their grief into words. Pay attention to behaviour changes, withdrawal, or signs of distress.

While grief is a normal response to loss, some young people may struggle to cope over time. Consider involving specialist bereavement or mental health support if a young person:

• Shows signs of ongoing distress that isn’t improving

• Withdraws completely or avoids all conversation about the loss

• Talks about wanting to die, or shows self-harming behaviours

• Has significant changes in behaviour, mood, or personal care

Grief can be incredibly isolating for young people. When someone they care about dies, they may feel as though the world has moved on without them. Friends might avoid talking about it, adults might not know what to say, and the young person can be left feeling ignored, different, or even rejected — just at a time when they need connection the most.

As a professional, you can make a significant difference by helping to create a safe, open environment where grief isn’t hidden or treated as something uncomfortable.

Practical Ways to Support Young People in Feeling Heard and Supported:

1. Acknowledge the Loss Gently and Appropriately
Avoiding the subject can unintentionally make a young person feel invisible in their grief. A simple and sincere comment like, “I heard about your loss. I’m really sorry. I’m here if you ever want to talk or need anything,” can be incredibly powerful. This shows you’re aware, that you care, and that the door is open.

2. Check In — and Keep Checking In
Don’t assume that if a young person seemed okay last week, they are okay now. Grief isn’t linear. Quiet check-ins like “How have things been feeling lately?” can create opportunities for conversation, even if they don’t take it up right away. Be consistent, without pushing.

3. Be a Calm, Safe Adult
Offer a steady presence. Let them know there’s no pressure to talk, cry, or respond in a certain way. What matters is that you’re there, without judgement, if and when they need you.

4. Help Them Name Their Emotions
Grief is often overwhelming and confusing. Support young people in putting words to how they feel: “Sometimes people feel angry or guilty after someone dies — does that sound familiar at all?” This can help normalise their experience and show they’re not alone.

5. Create Time and Space to Talk
Offer opportunities for private, low-pressure conversations — perhaps while walking, drawing, or doing another calming activity. Some young people find face-to-face chats difficult, so sitting side-by-side or doing something practical together can help.

6. Let Them Know It’s Okay to Feel Joy Too
Young people often worry that smiling or having fun means they’ve “forgotten” the person who died. Reassure them that it’s okay to laugh and enjoy life while still missing someone. Grief and happiness can exist together.

7. Model Comfort Around Grief
The more open and honest you are, the more comfortable they’ll feel. You don’t need to have perfect words. Just showing that you’re not afraid to talk about death or grief can break the silence.

8. Involve Peers Thoughtfully
Sometimes friends step back because they’re unsure what to say. Support peer groups in understanding how to be present — whether it’s through group activities, tutor time conversations, or pastoral work that includes emotional literacy.

9. Offer Alternatives to Talking
Writing letters to the person who died, creating memory boxes, drawing, or using creative outlets can help young people process grief without always having to talk about it directly. Let them choose what feels safe for them.

10. Make It Easy to Ask for Help
Display posters, leaflets or quiet signposting to counselling services or trusted adults. Young people may not always ask for help in words — so knowing where and how to access support confidentially is important.

Helping a young person feel understood doesn’t mean fixing their grief. It means sitting with them in it, showing patience, and making sure they know they are not alone. Sometimes, that’s exactly what they need most.